https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2019-arizona-cardinals-1836556422
Your coach: This team handpicked a defensive guru to pair with Josh Rosen and then shitcanned both of them immediately for a corgi quarterback and a Vineyard Vines fascist. Your new head coach is Kliff Kingsbury, who got fired by Texas Tech after going 35-40 in seven seasons, took a gig as OC at USC, and then ditched that gig when the Cards came calling. I assume they think Kliff is the next Sean McVay because those two men share the same beard stubble length. Kliff koached Patrick Mahomes when Mahomes was at Texas Tech, which naturally means everything good that happened for Mahomes in the NFL will now happen for a team that routinely gets punched into ****ing outer space by the rest of the division. Kliff will spend the bulk of this season looking like a sad Bama fan.
Your new defensive coordinator is fired Broncos head man and accused groper Vance Joseph. And lest you think Joseph is returning to the role he’s best suited for, please note that he was a shitty DC too! And he only has one year of experience as one! No no, Vance Joseph’s true calling is as inside linebackers water station quality control associate.
No one will buy this rebranded iteration of the Cards, and neither should you. They have all the cachet of an XFL3 outfit, and they’ve entrusted two consecutive reboots to a GM who looks like a bouncer at a skinhead bar.
Your coach: This team handpicked a defensive guru to pair with Josh Rosen and then shitcanned both of them immediately for a corgi quarterback and a Vineyard Vines fascist. Your new head coach is Kliff Kingsbury, who got fired by Texas Tech after going 35-40 in seven seasons, took a gig as OC at USC, and then ditched that gig when the Cards came calling. I assume they think Kliff is the next Sean McVay because those two men share the same beard stubble length. Kliff koached Patrick Mahomes when Mahomes was at Texas Tech, which naturally means everything good that happened for Mahomes in the NFL will now happen for a team that routinely gets punched into ****ing outer space by the rest of the division. Kliff will spend the bulk of this season looking like a sad Bama fan.
Your new defensive coordinator is fired Broncos head man and accused groper Vance Joseph. And lest you think Joseph is returning to the role he’s best suited for, please note that he was a shitty DC too! And he only has one year of experience as one! No no, Vance Joseph’s true calling is as inside linebackers water station quality control associate.
No one will buy this rebranded iteration of the Cards, and neither should you. They have all the cachet of an XFL3 outfit, and they’ve entrusted two consecutive reboots to a GM who looks like a bouncer at a skinhead bar.
